Ken Larson's Alternative Site is just for fun.|
Kenneth A. Larson has a quarter century of experience in design and construction of scenery for the Entertainment Industry and Theme Parks using Computer Aided and Traditional approaches to Design. Also experience in other areas of Design.
Sorry for the advertisement, but this site costs money to operate and donations didn't cover it.
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|Everyone likes holidays, and I don't want to make light of these rare and valuables days. However, humor can be found in anything, even holidays I did not author most of these, I simply pass them along for your enjoyment. Like most users of e-mail, I receive many humorous, thoughtful, or otherwise interesting e-mails. Once in a while, one really sticks out. I include some here. Since I don't know the source of most of these, I apologize for not giving proper credit. Feel free to let me know if you know the source of any of them.|
1. Gain weight. At least 30 pounds.|
2. Stop exercising. Waste of time.
3. Read less. Makes you think.
4. Watch more TV. I've been missing some good stuff.
5. Procrastinate more. Starting tomorrow.
6. Don't date any of the Baywatch cast.
7. Spend more time at work, surfing with the T1.
8. Take a vacation to someplace important: like, to see the largest ball of twine.
9. Don't jump off a cliff just because everyone else did.
10. Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more.
11. Don't have eight children at once.
12. Get in a whole NEW rut!
13. Start being superstitious.
14. Personal goal: bring back disco.
15. Don't wrestle with Jesse Ventura.
16. Don't bet against the Minnesota Vikings.
17. Buy an '83 Eldorado and invest in a really loud stereo system.
18. Get the windows tinted. Buy some fur for the dash.
19. Speak in a monotone voice and only use monosyllabic words.
20. Only wear jeans that are 2 sizes too small and use a chain or rope for a belt.
21. Spend my summer vacation in Cyberspace.
22. Don't eat cloned meat.
23. Create loose ends.
24. Get more toys.
25. Get further in debt.
26. Don't believe politicians.
27. Break at least one traffic law.
28. Don't drive a motorized vehicle across thin ice.
29. Avoid transmission of inter-species diseases.
30. Avoid airplanes that spontaneously drop 1000 feet.
31. Stay off the MIR space station.
32. Don't worry that the Y2K bug will cause the end of the world.
33. Get wired with high-speed net connections at home.
34. Don't swim with piranhas or sharks.
35. Associate with even worse business clients.
36. Spread out priorities beyond ability to keep track of them.
37. Wait around for opportunity.
38. Focus on the faults of others.
39. Mope about faults.
40. Never make New Year's resolutions again.
to let me know if you know the source of any of them.
What's a zombie's favorite breakfast cereal?|
Why was Dracula not at his desk?
He was on his coffin break!
What does a weight-conscious vampire drink?
Why didn't the skeleton dance at the Halloween party?
It had no body to dance with!
What do you call a goblin who gets too close to a bonfire?
A toasty ghosty!
Why was the mummy so tense?
He was all wound up!
What is a vampire's favorite mode of transportation?
A blood vessel!
Why does a witch ride on a broom?
Vacuum cleaners have to be plugged into the wall!
What do birds give out on Halloween?
What do you call a wicked witch who lives by the sea?
Who are some of the werewolves' cousins?
The whatwolves and the whenwolves!
What do you call a ghost with a broken leg?
A hoblin goblin!
What kind of errors do ghosts make?
Boo-boos and grave mistakes!
Twas the night of Thanksgiving, but I couldn't sleep |
I tried counting backwards, I tried counting sheep.
The leftovers beckoned - the dark meat and white
but I fought temptation with all of my might
Tossing and turning with anticipation
the thought of a snack became infatuation.
So, I raced to the kitchen, flung open the door
and gazed at the fridge, full of goodies galore.
I gobbled up turkey and buttered potatoes,
pickles and carrots, beans and tomatoes.
I felt myself swelling so plump and so round,
'til all of a sudden, I rose off the ground.
I crashed through the ceiling, up into the sky
with a mouthful of pudding, a handful of pie.
But, I managed to yell as I soared past the trees....
happy eating to all - pass the cranberries, please.
May your stuffing be tasty, may your turkey be plump.
May your potatoes 'n gravy have nary a lump,
May your yams be delicious, may your pies take the prize,
May your Thanksgiving dinner stay off of your thighs.
Support this Web Site
I hope that you find this web site helpful. It started as alight-hearted alternative to my portfolio site, and then grew. This web site is for your benefit and enjoyment and I make no profit on it. For ten years it has been supported primarily from my regular paycheck as a Set Designer and there haven't been many the last few years. I can no longer run it without help. Alternative funding is needed. Only recently I tried advertising as a way to balance the budget, but it still doesn't cover the costs. A non-tax deductable donation helps cover the cost of operating this web site and may be made to Kesign Design Consulting through PayPal.
Buy my Photographs or Art.
Or donations can be mailed to the address on the contact page.
If you are in the need of a designer, please see my portfolio site www.kesigndesign.com.|
or Set Design Portfolio.
This site maintained by Kenneth A. Larson.|
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Website content including photographic and graphic images may not be redistributed for use on another website.