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Kenneth A. Larson has a quarter century of experience in design and construction of scenery for the Entertainment Industry and Theme Parks using Computer Aided and Traditional approaches to Design. Also experience in other areas of Design.
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Lawyer Jokes

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What can I say about lawyers? There are a few good ones. But there are a few bad ones! These jokes and humerus stories relate only to the 99% of the bad lawyers, not the good ones. You know which you are. I did not author most of these, I simply pass them along for your enjoyment (or not).

Like most users of e-mail, I receive many humorous, thoughtful, or otherwise interesting e-mails. Once in a while, one really sticks out. I include some here. Since I don't know the source of most of these, I apologize for not giving proper credit. Feel free to let me know if you know the source of any of them.

Please forward additional lawyer jokes.E-mail
Marriage in Heaven
Hunting Lawyers

A lawyer lies to his clients who take ill advised action based on that lie. After the State Bar of California investigates the situation, they advised the clients to write a letter to the lawyer requesting that the lawyer not lie to his clients again.

This may not be so funny, but it is true, we were the clients.

Marriage in Heaven

There was a young couple, very much in love who were tragically killed in an auto accident the night before they were to be arried. They found themselves at the pearly gates of heaven being escorted in by St. Peter. After a couple of weeks in heaven, the prospective groom took St. Peter aside and said, "St. Peter, my fiance and I are very happy to be in heaven but we'd like to celebrate our wedding vows. Is it possible for people in heaven to get married?" St. Peter said he'd never heard of it. "I'm afraid you'll have to talk to the Lord God Almighty about that. I can get you an appointment for two weeks from Wednesday."

Came the appointed day, the couple were escorted by the guardian angels into the presence of the Lord God Almighty, where they repeated the request. The Lord looked at them solemnly and said, "I tell you what, wait five years and if you still want to get married, come back."

Five years went by, and the couple came back Again the Lord God Almighty said, "Please you must wait another five years and then I will consider your request."

Finally, ten years later, they come before the Lord God Almighty the third time. The Lord said, "Yes, you may marry. This Saturday at 2:00 p.m., we will have a beautiful ceremony in the main chapel. and the couple was married. A few weeks later they realized they had made a horrible mistake, they just couldn't stay married. They asked the Lord Almighty if they could get a divorce in heaven. When the Lord heard their request, he looked at them and said, "Look, it took us ten years to find a priest up here in heaven. Do you have any idea how long it'll take to find a lawyer?"

Regulations For Hunting Attorneys

Bill to Regulate the Hunting and Harvesting of Attorneys PC 370.00

370.01 Any person with a valid in_state rodent or snake hunting license may also hunt and harvest attorneys for recreational and sport non-commercial) purposes.

370.02 Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of United States currency as bait, however, is prohibited.

370.03 The willful killing of attorneys with a motor vehicle is prohibited, unless such vehicle is an ambulance being driven in reverse. If an attorney is accidentally struck by a motor vehicle, the dead attorney should be removed to the roadside, and the vehicle should proceed immediately to the nearest car wash.

370.04 It is unlawful to chase, herd or harvest attorneys from a power boat, helicopter or aircraft.

370.05 It is unlawful to shout, "WHIPLASH", "AMBULANCE" or "FREE SCOTCH" for the purposes of trapping attorneys.

370.06 It is unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of BMW, Mercedes or Porsche dealerships, except on Wednesday afternoon.

370.07 It is unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of courtrooms, law libraries, health clubs, country clubs, hospitals or brothels.

370.08 If an attorney gains elective office, it is not necessary to have a license to hunt, trap or possess the same.

370.09 It is unlawful for a hunter to wear a disguise as a reporter, accident victim, physician, chiropractor or tax accountant for the purpose of hunting attorneys.

370.10 Bag and Possession Limits per day:

Yellow_bellied sidewinders, 2;

Two_faced tortfeasors, 1;

Back_stabbing divorce litigators, 3;

Horn_rimmed cut_throats, 2;

Minutiae_advocating dirtbags, 4.

Honest attorneys protected (Endangered Species Act).

ARS 8007.21 It is illegal to take attorneys with a moving vehicle unless there are no measurable skid marks at the kill site.
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This page last updated: Sunday, 11-Aug-2013 00:26:27 PDT

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I hope that you find this web site helpful. It started as alight-hearted alternative to my portfolio site, and then grew. This web site is for your benefit and enjoyment and I make no profit on it. For ten years it has been supported primarily from my regular paycheck as a Set Designer and there haven't been many the last few years. I can no longer run it without help. Alternative funding is needed. Only recently I tried advertising as a way to balance the budget, but it still doesn't cover the costs. A non-tax deductable donation helps cover the cost of operating this web site and may be made to Kesign Design Consulting through PayPal.

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